It is not easy to go… I simply cannot imagine my life without RC. Thankfully, I actually do not have to imagine how it will be and I do not have to fear. Praise God that  instead of worrying, questioning and fearing (which I am tempted to do), I can wait with an active faith and rest with a deep hope in God for our future. I could cry and I have cried so many tears because of the void everyone will leave in my heart. But I know I can keep walking with our Savior knowing that God can fill and beautify any void left.

But as I think and write, the truth is that what may feel like a void is actually more of an expansion. Our hearts, have grown and gotten bigger and fuller. Now that we are leaving you all we need to learn to live well with this widened, fuller heart. A heart that has been stretched during 4 years of living out the Gospel in your midst. What a blessing to leave full rather than empty. To leave knowing we spent ourselves yet got filled. Knowing that what we could have held on rather than shared pales in comparison with the joy of life lived with one another. Was I tempted to restrain myself, to calculate the cost of love knowing our days dwelling together were limited? I certainly was. Did I think carefully about having you all love on my children so well both in quantity and in quality? I did. How thankful I am for the example of our Savior that laid his life for us and did not let the cost stop him from loving us perfectly. Because church, what options do we have in that regards… We have never been shown half commitment, selfish love, partial grace or sparse justification. No, all we know from our God is lavished grace, perfect love, endless mercy that cannot be quantified and justification that we cannot even fully grasp yet.

I am so glad I chose to let myself be loved and cared for by you. That Deholo, the children and I have experienced the bonds of love through our church. Truly, what may feel like a void in my heart, as I need to say:  “See you all soon” is everything but a void. Rather it is a heart filled, so filled that it is scary to let go of doing life with you and move on. I will need to learn to live away from you with this heart now marked by you. I cry because my heart is heavy, but not burdened or despaired, just fuller. I cry because I had never dreamed it would be so beautiful, that life as a church could be so sweet away from the church I love in Ottawa. I cry because the splendor of Christ as been bright in your midst. I had no idea that we could have experienced such beauty in unity and such strength in a the common purpose of delighting in Christ. So my dear church, Sunday I will probably cry much and I will not be able to articulate what I just shared. I will cry because it is time to say goodbye. However, please know my heart is deeply grateful and joyful.

With much love,

Madeleine